


All in a Day's Work

by walkwithursus



Category: Metalocalypse (Cartoon)
Genre: Dethzine, Dickface, Gen, Homophobia, M/M, Mixed Media, Multi, Therapy, Zine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 04:17:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15811176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkwithursus/pseuds/walkwithursus
Summary: Murderface fires Dick Knubbler for mysterious reasons, leaving Charles to deal with the aftermath.





	All in a Day's Work

**Author's Note:**

> This work was created especially for the _Dethzine_ , a Metalocalypse charity fanzine published in 2018. To obtain a digital copy of the full zine, please visit: https://gumroad.com/thedethzine.
> 
> For a physical copy, please visit: http://www.blurb.com/b/8917185-the-dethzine

____________________________________________________________________________________

To: “Charles F. Ofdensen” < cfo@dkinc.ml >  
From: “Roy Cornickelson” < ceo@cmrec.com >  
Subject: Do I need to hire a new producer?

Charles,

I’m forwarding you an email from Dick Knubbler. He says he’s been fired by your bassist. I don’t think I need to remind you that Knubbler is one of ours and therefore any hiring/firing decisions are not under dk’s jurisdiction. 

Sort this mess out.

Roy  
_________________________________________________________________________________________

>To: “Roy Cornickelson” < ceo@cmrec.com >  
>From: “Dick Knubbler” < knubbler.r@cmrec.com >  
>Subject: Fwd: FIRED

>SO THE FAT ONE FIRED ME. THE BAND DID A 2/3RDS MAJORITY VOTE AND I’M OUT. CAN’T GET  
>AHOLD OF OFDENSEN AND YOUR SECRETARY IS SCREENING MY CALLS. THOUGHT YOU’D  
>WANT TO KNOW. IF YOU NEED TO GET IN TOUCH WITH ME TOUGH LUCK!!!! I’M PRETTY SURE  
>MY PHONE WON’T BE WORKING IN THE CARIBBEAN.

>THANKS FOR THE SEVERENCE ASS HOLE!

>Sent from my dethPhone.  
____________________________________________________________________________________

To: “Dick Knubbler” < knubbler.r@cmrec.com >  
Cc: “Roy Cornickelson” < ceo@cmrec.com >  
From: “Charles F. Ofdensen”  
Subject: Employment Dispute  
Attachments: giftcard.pdf

Dick,

I’m sure Mr. Cornickelson has contacted you by now, but allow me to clarify if things are still less than clear. You are still a Crystal Mountain Records employee and your contract with Dethklok remains in effect until October of this year. The Dethklok company does not have the authorization to terminate your contract, and as you should be aware, all personnel decisions must be filtered through upper management. Murderface is not able to fire you, regardless of a 2/3rds majority vote. 

You are still expected in the studio for recording this Tuesday. Please arrive one hour before the session for a crisis debriefing with Dr. Twinkletits.

In the future, please keep all Dethklok related matters within the Dethklok company so that we might avoid burdening Mr. Cornickelson. If you have further questions, please contact me directly via email. 

On behalf of the Dethklok company I offer my apologies for any confusion Murderface’s actions may have caused. Please accept the attached $5 Hot Topic e-Gift Card as recompense for your trouble. 

Charles F. Ofdensen  
Chief Financial Officer  
Dethklok Incorporated  
____________________________________________________________________________________

To: “John Twinkletits” < twinkletits.j.l@dkinc.ml >  
From: “Charles F. Ofdensen” < cfo@dkinc.ml >  
Subject: Schedule Change

John,

Check your updated calendar. I have added an emergency session with William for this afternoon at 4pm. 

He claims to have seen a merchandise booth at Klokikon selling sexually explicit material featuring himself and Dick Knubbler. Naturally, he thought the best way to handle this would be to fire Dick so they would no longer have any public affiliation. 

At this time, Dick is still employed and has been slotted for a debrief at 5pm on Tuesday. If you can convince William to attend as well I would be grateful. The band is set to record that evening and I would prefer their first interaction after these events to be mediated. 

As always, please have the A/V recording active for the duration of these sessions. 

Regards,

CFO  
____________________________________________________________________________________

To: “Dethklok Internet Team” < internal@internet.dkinc.ml >  
From: “Charles F. Ofdensen” < cfo@dkinc.ml >  
Subject: Scourge Keywords and Data Erasure

Team,

Do a data purge for all pages containing keyword “dickface.” Sweep the usual fan sites and expunge all art pertaining to Murderface and Dick Knubbler. While you’re at it, delete anything that receives less than a 5 on the flattery scale. Leave everything else. 

CFO  
____________________________________________________________________________________


End file.
